As moms, I often think people don't see all of the little things we do that seem insignificant but consume our minds.
Let's be honest, and this is in no way bashing dads because I know every family is different - but for the most part, moms carry the weight of making sure everything is done for the kids.
Did I charge their computers for school? Did I put their snacks and water bottles in their book bag? Did I put the right lunch in the right book bag? Did I write down all of the days their tests and quizzes are so I remember to study with them? What activity do they have tonight? Did I sign them up for baseball? When was the deadline for that? Did I schedule that dentist appointment? Did I forget it was a theme day at school today? Are their clothes getting smaller? I guess I need to buy some new ones. Did I schedule their well check? Did I RSVP to that birthday party they were invited do? Did I study with them enough? Did I give them enough attention? Did I remember to give him his medicine? Did I make sure I told them I loved them before school? Before bed? Did I remember it all? Where is the jersey for the game? Where is her dance bag?
I could go on and on for days. But the truth is, in trying to remember it all, I sometimes fall short. I make mistakes. I try so hard to be perfect for them and put so much pressure on myself that I always end up forgetting something.
And then - one day - you forget a snack to send to school (oh the horror!) and it's all you hear about. For days. For weeks. They tell everyone. They tell their dad the second he walks in the door. And don't you love when they look at you and say "how did you forget their snack?" Umm... I don't know maybe because of the three hundred other things I was trying to remember. Or maybe I'm so used to giving the snack that I just assumed I put the snack in there! And then one day you make their lunches at night so you're prepared in the morning. And guess what? You forget to put them in their book bags because you didn't make them in the morning (out of sight out of mind.) And then your husband says "how'd you forget the lunches?" And I want to scream because YOU told me it might be better to make them at night so I wasn't rushed in the morning. I'm either prepared or rushed. And neither is the right choice. Neither is enough.
The truth is, no matter what I do it's never enough. Or at least no one sees it as being enough. The house isn't clean enough. The laundry wasn't put away fast enough. I don't read or study with the kids enough. I didn't get enough done in the day.
Sometimes it seems like I could do a thousand things and it wouldn't be enough. Because there would be the ONE thing I DIDN'T do.
I'm not perfect.
The house may not be clean enough. I may not cook enough.
But for the few things you may see that I did or didn't do, there are ten times more things in my head that I DID do. The important things. The things that no one sees.
I'm ok with letting the world think I'm not enough. But everyday I try to be a good mom, a good wife, a good friend, sister, and daughter. I try to do it all. Sometimes it's not enough. But everyday I get up and strive to be the best mom to my kids. If they feel safe and loved and feel like they can come to me - that's good enough for me.
I'm 62, and I still have nightmares about packing the kid's lunches and getting them out to the bus on time. I think it comes from this feeling, even to this day, of always being behind and trying to catch up. I still feel I am running behind everyone else, and just as I catch up, they have been standing there resting and chatting at the top of the hill, and I arrive out of breath, and they then continue on their way. I don't get to stop and rest, and look around and be part of the happy moments - until I throw a fit! :-) But, we shouldn't have to throw a fit!
I can so relate. My only child just turned 18. I have always felt like I wasn’t “getting it right”. Then I saw his response to the question in the football program this fall - “what person has impacted you the most” - he chose me, as the one who has always had his back and challenged him to be his best. (I think his dad’s feelings were a little hurt…) The important things are what will be remembered at the end of the day, not the forgotten snack or the time you were late to pickup.