Life is But a Dream... house

What I learned from Barbie

Different things in life have inspired me to write. Topics such as kids, relationships, covid, and being a mom. One topic I never thought would inspire me so much as to feel I was compelled to write about it? The Barbie movie. Yes, that's right, Barbie. The movie about the stereotypical perfect girl resonated with me. And not because I believe I'm anywhere near perfect—I'm not blonde, pink is NOT my color, and my boobs have never been that perky, for starters.

But a movie about a doll played with during childhood somehow resonated with me as an adult woman. I don't know if it was the nostalgia that got to me or the beautiful monologue America Ferrara delivered about being a woman that spoke to me so much so that I sat there with tears in my eyes. (Side note: If you would have told me after I sobbed during The Notebook that the next Ryan Gosling movie I would cry at would be Barbie I would have laughed in your face.)

Women have it rough. And this isn't a 'woe is me' type writing. It's just a fact. Being a woman has either been not being enough or being too much, at least for me, my whole adult life. There's so much pressure—pressure that I don't believe men ever get as much as we do. And it doesn't matter the amount of pressure because you will never do it the "right" way. It will always be too little or too much.

Help at school to show you care about your kids. Don't help too much though as to be seen as one of those perfect, pushy moms.

Dress nice. But not like a mom and like you are old. But also not inappropriate and too young.

Be assertive and go after what you want. But be careful because if you're too assertive you'll be called a bitch or told you're rude.

Stay home and raise your kids because there's no place better for kids than with their mom but also you should really work because women have come such a long way and it's important for them to contribute financially to the family.

Contribute financially but don't be the breadwinner. Let him do that.

Don't complain about your kids but also don't post pictures of them on instagram pretending that they're perfect.

Take care of your skin and try not to age but also don't look like you've had any work done, even if you have.

Take time for you and make sure you are taken care of but also don't be selfish.

Crying is good and healthy but also don't let them see you cry or you'll be seen as emotional and weak.

Be perfect but not too perfect because that's fake.

Wear nice clothes but don’t show off with designer things.

Celebrate your success but don’t make other women feel bad about themselves.

Be a leader but don't be seen as bossy.

Don't be too thin.

Don't be too heavy.

Wear makeup but don't overdo it.

Age gracefully but make sure you get your grays covered.

Don't.

Don't.

Do.

Don't.

Do.

It's EXHAUSTING.

It's exhausting because there are rules. There are so many unwritten rules and all of the rules contradict one another. Doing one thing right means you didn't do another thing right. These rules you must follow but following them means nothing. The rules are only there to set you up for failure.

It's impossible. It's impossible to ever be enough. To feel like you are just being you. To feel like there is no right answer because the truth is... there isn't.

You will never be perfect to everyone. Someone will always find fault in you. You will be seen as not doing enough or going overboard. You will work too much or not enough.

The good news? The rules aren't real. Screw the rules.

Maybe being a woman isn't actually that tough but the unrealistic standards we have let people around us make for us have made us believe it's tough.

And maybe there's a part of us that clings to the little girl playing with Barbie. Because in Barbie's world, you can make her anything you want. And no one cares because you make the rules and you're in control and you tell Barbie what to do and where to go and what to wear and what to drive in. You want Barbie to sleep inside of her camper in her bikini and snow boots but also keep the camper parked outside of the dream house while your other Barbie friends have a pool party there? Sure. Because you make the rules.

And maybe somewhere along the way we forgot that we still get to make the rules in the real world. It's not as glamorous. You might not get the wardrobe and the plane and the camper. Your house may never have the option of a slide or an elevator to get down to the bottom level. But it's still your world. You still get to make it yours. You get to decide what is best for YOU. And remember the girl you were when you played with your doll and you didn't let anyone tell you what you could or couldn't do with her. That girl is you now. She's always been you.

Go be her. And don't let the impossible, contradicting rules of the "real world" dictate what you do. Do what you want. The ones who judge you aren't your people anyway.

And for the record, some Kens struggle with this. It's ok to let them in once in awhile. We know there's plenty of room in the dream house.