Discipline Deficit
Are we raising future leaders? Or entitled adults?
Ever catch yourself saying, 'My parents are going to kill me' or 'I’m going to get in so much trouble' from back in the day? We've all been there, right? A note from the teacher, a warning, a bad grade, or a tiff with another kid — please, just don’t let mom and dad find out.
And remember trying to wriggle out of it? Forget about it. Your parents weren’t buying it. If the teacher said you did it, you did it. End of story. No debates, no second chances. You broke the rules, you faced the music. Simple as that.
Fast forward to today? Consequences? What even are those? We're in the era of 'let's not make the kids feel bad, so no consequences, only rewards'. But guess what? That’s not how life works. Your boss doesn’t hand out bonuses for showing up on time, and cops won’t pull you over to congratulate you for sticking to the speed limit.
Now, we're handing out lollipops for the basics. I mean, can you imagine getting a treat for just raising your hand? It was unheard of back then.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for positive reinforcement, but why are we rewarding kids for stuff they’re supposed to do anyway? Why can’t we call out a kid for being rude without worrying about hurting their feelings?
Do you know how many times in school I got the shameful, “Excuse me, Meghan, we will wait until you’re done talking.” It was like everything screeched to a halt, and all eyes were on you. Not fun, not fun at all. But you know what? It worked. It was embarrassing. But you knew you didn’t like that feeling. Don’t even get me started about putting your name on the chalkboard. Sitting there all day, staring at your name for everyone to see you did something wrong. Hoping it would soon be erased. A constant reminder that you did what you weren’t supposed to do and even worse? Everyone knew.
Accountability? It’s a teacher, alright. It teaches you stuff. Ya know how 15 of your friends and family can tell you that the guy you’re dating is all wrong but you never truly listen until you see it yourself?
And sometimes, you go back 5 times to this guy who breaks your heart over and over. It's awful. But eventually.. you leave. Because you learn.
Learning is not easy. Some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned have come from the absolute worst moments. The most embarrassing moments. The most trying and darkest moments.
Getting in trouble at school used to be enough to keep us in line because we knew what was waiting for us at home. But now? Kids run home expecting mommy and daddy to fix everything, even when they're in the wrong.
They’re missing out on that accountability. They couldn’t care less about what their parents think, and sometimes, it feels like the parents don’t care either.
I don’t know where it went wrong. Was it technology? Social media? Parenting? The kids? Teachers? Maybe it’s a mix of everything. But one thing’s clear: by ditching discipline, we’re setting our kids up for a rude awakening down the line.
So how do we fix it? I wish I had all the answers. But one thing's for sure: kids need structure, routine, and discipline. It’s not about hurting them; it’s about preparing them for the real world.
And you know what? Despite all the chaos and exhaustion, isn’t that the rewarding part of parenting? Knowing that all the tough stuff will pay off in the end?
Here's the thing: parenting isn't always easy, but it's our job to guide our kids, not shelter them from reality. It's about setting them up for success, even if it means some tough love along the way.
So let's bring back accountability. Let's teach our kids that actions have consequences, and that's okay. Because in the end, it's not about being the perfect parent; it's about raising resilient, responsible humans who can navigate the ups and downs of life with confidence.
And you know what? That's worth every late-night worry, every tough conversation, and every moment of frustration. Because when we see our kids grow into capable, compassionate adults, we'll know we did something right. And that's the most rewarding feeling of all.
What I find concerning is that we have yet to see the results of this on a mass scale. We all knew those kids in school that didn't care about getting in trouble at school because there were no consequences at home, had no structure and pushed their rebellious identity outside of what was accepted by the majority. But there weren't many of those kids, and probably most of them either went to prison or shaped up as they matured being surrounded by a more structured, disciplined culture. But when the majority of this generation is this way, one can only imagine what it will be like... unformed social skills, the inability to receive criticism, the absence of true open-mindedness, a lack of grit, etc.