After close to eleven years of being home with kids—anywhere from one to two to all three at any given moment—the youngest will be off to kindergarten next week.
The baby.
Out in the world.
I was sad when the other two went. I cried the second the bus pulled away. I also enjoyed the little bit of peace and quiet if I'm being honest. But my baby?! How did this happen? Is she ready? Absolutely. Am I? That's another story.
Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to having more flexibility in my day. But I can't help like feeling another chapter of our lives is closing. I can't help but wonder if I savored and appreciated each moment I had with them. I was beyond blessed to be able to stay home with them—I know that's a luxury not afforded to everyone. I also know some moms that wouldn't choose to stay at home even if they could. I don't judge anyone’s path. I had one dream when I was a little girl and that was to be a mom. It's a 24/7, non stop, often thankless job.
But it's what I wanted. It's what I love. It's the career I chose and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I know my kids are still little and they still need me. It's just in a different way now. It’s not the constant chasing, feeding bottles, changing diapers, temper tantrums, kissing boo boos kind of way anymore. It's the packing lunches, running to activities, dealing with the friend drama, homework, hormones and everything in between kind of way.
I want to embrace this. I want to cherish the memories of them being at home. Safe with me. Before they had a chance to experience the world. The beautiful and the ugly.
I will mourn this change of life for a moment and then I will celebrate in the fact that these perfect tiny humans will go out into the world and do great things. I will celebrate watching them share their gifts and talents and everything they have to offer. And while the world gets to share them, I'll always know that for a few short years they were just mine. No one can take that away. No one can change that time and those memories. Those are just ours. Not to share with the world, simply to hold in our hearts
It's going to be an adjustment for all of us. I know she's ready. I think I am.
The last little piece of my heart going off into the world is a scary feeling. But how lucky I am to have watched their very first steps to their first steps onto the school bus? They will continue to grow. They will learn new things. They will make new friends and maybe even learn more about themselves.
As for me? Maybe I'll grow and learn a little bit more about myself too.
To all the moms sending their first to kindergarten. Or their last. Or their only... I'll be thinking of you. And think of me too. Whether we cry or smile or feel numb, we are all along with our kindergartners experiencing something for the first time.
For now, I see it as a chapter ending. It’s still so new to see it as anything other than that. But I look forward to starting a new chapter and I know I’ll get there while keeping those first years and those first chapters so close to my heart. They were written by a young mom who was navigating motherhood and figuring it out as she went. Those chapters felt long to write but I realize they flew by. I realize how short those chapters are in the book of life.
And now a mom with a little more experience under her belt will surely add more chapters that I know will include more twists and turns and adventures. For all of us. But I know in each chapter and each page, the underlying theme will always be love.
And I can't wait to see how that story unfolds.
Good reading. Thanks!